Eulogy for Gary Doursman

Eulogy for Gary Doursman (1937-2006) by His Son Jack

I’d like to thank you all for coming to remember my dad, Gary Doursman. He would think it amusing to see you all dressed up, not to mention clothed at all on a Saturday, because he always made it a point to stay pantless every weekend. My dad would probably not be happy that we were forced to dress him fully in his coffin on what he would fondly refer to as “underwear day.” May he rest in peace.

Father. Provider. Friend. Dad. Man. All the things the person we are here to show our respects to was. And what do you get when you mix the words dad and man? You get Adam. Like the Good Book says God created Adam. Adam met Eve in the Garden of Eve, and Eve ate from his rib. She was hungry. For that they were forced to leave the Garden of Eve and move to New Castle, Pennsylvania where they had two children named Jack and Lawrence.

My dad was a simple man. He spent most of his life improving toilet brush technology. I think he would be proud that you, his friends and family, would think of him every time you cleaned and flushed your toilet. He worked hard and put my brother and me through school on the tips of the bristles of toilet brushes that my father labored to improve. “Clean toilet makes for a clear conscious,” that’s what my dad used to say, and I want you to think about that when you see a toilet.

He did more than just being father and toilet brush designer. My dad liked to write. You may not know that he authored many nonproduced television scripts. “Tootie Is The Black One” and “It’s Not So Bad, Blair” were his favorites written pieces and to us, the television show Facts of Life made a big mistake by not ever taking his work seriously enough to “green light” his scripts.

I think if my dad could speak to you today and give you a life lesson, it would be this: if something gets stuck in something, try soapy water to loosen it. Soapy water, people. That shows what kind of a man my father was. Thank you for keeping us in your prayers and showing your respects to a man that died as he lived, next to a clean toilet, in his underwear, and whistling the theme to his favorite show, Facts of Life.