Lost Diary of 1914 Shackleton’s Exploration Crewman and Chronic Self-Gratifier, Lionel Goocher.
In 1914, Sir Ernest Shackleton and his crew from the ship Endurance set off from London to explore the southern continent Antarctica. Upon arriving to the coast, the Endurance became trapped in ice packs, forcing Shackleton and his crew to abandon ship and live on the floating ice for over a year until being rescued. This amazing survival story has been well documented through diaries and pictures. Recently, a newly discovered lost diary of crewman Lionel Goocher may shed new light on what these stranded seamen did to pass the time during the long cold Antarctic winter waiting to be rescued. Below are sample of excerpts.
July 15th, 1914, London
Answered a strange ad in the paper today and secured a place on Mr. Edward Shackleton’s journey to the cold mysterious continent known as Antarctica. Shackleton seems like a fine captain. I harbor nothing but excitement for our departure from this island. The adventure sounds dangerous, but the idea of exploration and camaraderie amongst a close nit crew appears more promising than anything occurring in London right now. I am not a man of politics or expert in economics. After talking to Shackleton, a warm and tingly feeling shot throughout my loins thinking about the native females we might discover on the ice covered place named Antarctica.
August 1, The Ship Endurance, Atlantic Ocean
We left port today on the ship Endurance with the proposition of placing the British flag on the unmapped lands of Antarctica. The crew is a great group of guys. We work hard and work together. My main job is swabbing the decks twice a day. It’s not the easiest task aboard the Endurance, but the thought of being dressed up as a sailor and swabbing decks has my spirits up. Had to secretly touch myself three times today and my excitement could not be quelled. Hard to do in such close quarters. Once before swabbing, once after the second swabbing, and third time after the expedition photographer took a picture of the crew all holding hands.
October 26, Coast of Buenos Aires, Ship Endurance
The first sign of cold has reached us. We made our second to last port before we approach the ice continent. The crew still remains in high spirits. Captain Shackleton addressed us today saying we would embark on our main mission in a simple two months. Indeed, that news was so arousing that I masturbated after dinner. I’ve found a private place in the barrel closet behind the kitchen.
Jan 18th, 1915, Coast of Antarctica, Ship Endurance
Ran into heavy pack ice today. I do not share Shackleton’s view that everything will be fine. Very cold. Very nervous. Very hard to please myself in these times of excruciating cold and loneliness.
Feb. 24th, Stranded in Ice Pack, Antarctica
Had to abandon ship today. A sense of doom has come over us. Hopefully, we will be found by a whaling ship or take to lifeboats for port. The weather was so awful that I could not muster any personal gratification at all. Will try again after rations.
May 1st, Ice Pack, Antarctica
So very cold. Hunger and cold and ice are all I know right now. Hope may be lost for all of us. Our rations have begun to dwindle to depressing amounts. Nothing to do here on these damned ice chunks except pray…pray and the other thing I like to do.
June 9th, Ice Pack, Antarctica
The large packs of ice have begun to break up, and we slowly move out to sea. We realized this, as I had to be saved while a small chunk I was fondling myself on started to move away from the lifeboats. The men threw me a rope and brought me back. So relieved and thankful that I showed the men my new method involving seal oil and a wooden spoon.
August 9th, Ice Pack, Antarctica
Attempted a new personal record of 14 times today. Nothing else to do. Crew photographer took pictures. I don’t care if anyone is watching anymore. Seems to entertain some of the crew.
January 7th, 1916, Coast of Antarctica
Blizzard today. New record, 18 times. Will go for another record when blizzard ends.
May 22nd, Coast of Antarctica
Lost count after 26 times. I believe madness is setting in.
June 15th, Coast of Antarctica
All hope lost. Shackleton has been gone for months. He left to try to reach a port and get us help. Constantly trying to rub myself in new creative ways. In fact, I had a nice conversation with the ship’s cook, Tom Baechle, who recommended I use leftover blubber. A nice man. When will this tragedy end?
August 30th, Whaling Boat headed towards port.
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