Ambipeppizol

Lunatics’ Diet

By Mark Lindquist

Ambipeppizol: It’s The Right Thing To Do For Those Certain Somebodies That Suffer From You Know What

Tell your doctor if you are pregnant before gaining access to Ambipeppizol. Also, tell him if you know of anyone else that is pregnant and who the fathers might be…he just likes that kind of gossip.

If headaches occur while taking Ambipeppizol, ask your doctor about lowering your daily dosage. If headaches do not occur, talk to a street dealer about increasing your daily dosage.

You should avoid drinking alcohol if you are taking Ambipeppizol. Well, one little drinky-winky never hurt anyone. Bartender!

Side effects include: dizziness, tiredness, tardiness, sloppiness, pushiness, and overall nastiness. Don’t worry though. Another side effect is an enormous sense of care-or-less-iness, which will balance out your poor self-image.

Other side effects include: finger fungus and ass dandruff. Both are quite rare, but oddly enough, completely fatal.

Individual results from taking Ambipeppizol may vary. Some of you will be cured, some of you will not. And, yes, some of you may die. But I’m proud of each and every one of you in this room, and damn it, we’re going into this battle and give ‘em the kind of hell that only marines can muster …Now on to War!

If you have an erection for more than four hours after taking Ambipeppizol, consult your doctor immediately. You can brag about it on your blog later in the week.

Ambipeppizol is not recommended for women under the age of eighteen. I swear she told me she was eighteen, officer.

Keep Ambipeppizol out of the reach of children. A good place to hide it is in the drawer where you keep the cookies and candies. By the way, where do you hide the cookies and candies? In the back of that drawer right there? Gotcha! Now give me a cookie, sucker.

Do not operate machinery if you are currently taking Ambipeppizol. However, can I get a lift home?

In testing our product, a placebo produced the same results as Ambipeppizol in ten percent of the patients. Then those people died. Maybe it wasn’t a placebo. Maybe it was cyanide. I can’t remember. It’s so unorganized around here during “testing days.”